Conquering the “I’ll never be good enough” thoughts

A recovering perfectionist’s words on Imposter Syndrome

A lot of us run around thinking that we’re talented and hardworking. Strike that: we know it! We pound the pavement, take classes, stay up-to-date with current industry news and build up contacts like the yellow pages (is that still a thing?). And when we finally get a big opportunity, what do we do? We act like it’s no big deal because deep down, some of us sometimes feel like phonies. Like our achievements were just luck. Like no matter what we do, we’re “pretending” to be part of this industry. We ignore evidence that we are skilled, talented and successful.That feeling, my friends, is called Imposter Syndrome.

Imposter Symdrome isn’t a mental illness

It’s very real and very icky. Imposter Syndrome isn’t a mental illness (thank goodness!), but it can still have some serious effects on us. These include stress, anxiety and depression. Oh, my!It can lead to drops in self-esteem and steer us to that old standby: compare-and-despair. We all know that nothing can make us feel much lower than comparing our “failures” to others’ successes. Talk about apples vs. oranges!But, those of you who, like me, have fallen prey to imposter Syndrome are not alone. Lots of heavy-hitters have talked about their struggles with it. Would you guess that THESE people sometimes feel less-than?!

· Jodie Foster

· Neil Gaiman

· Tom Hanks

· Lupita Nyong’o

· Michelle Obama

· Robert Pattinson

· David Tennant

· Emma Watson​

Meryl Streep has felt Imposter Syndrome

So we’re in good company. What if I told you even Meryl Streep has felt Imposter Syndrome? In a 2002 interview with Ken Burns for USA Weekend, Streep said, “You think, ‘Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?”I know what you’re thinking: How dare Meryl-freaking-Streep think that way? Well, I have a question for you: How dare YOU think that way about yourself?! You’re working hard and that deserves some acknowledgment. Heck, you should be celebrating that stuff! What would your biggest fan say if you got new headshots? How would a fan react if they knew you just booked a costar on an awesome series? If they knew you even snagged an audition for a costar? They would be celebrating every step KNOWING they were leading you to more opportunities. So, why is it so hard to be our own mega-fan?I think it’s because many of us were raised to believe that recognizing our accomplishments is prideful. And pride is “bad.” So, instead of feeling good and proud of our work, we make a massive effort to be humble. Humility definitely has its place in our lives, but it will not help propel us forward. Pride is our fuel!Pro tip: Pride is FINE! It’s arrogance you want to avoid.Pride is inclusive! Notice how a group of lions is called a Pride, not an Arrogance? It’s because they work together, not alone. Successful people acknowledge others’ contributions because it feels good to give their collaborators their due while celebrating our own wins.Feeling good is important for our lives. It’s actually a form of self-care to make sure you are acknowledging your achievements. And aren’t we ALWAYS looking for a form of self-care that won’t break the bank (or the waistline of our favorite pants)?Now that we’ve established what Imposter Syndrome is (it’s a bunch of lies we believe about ourselves to protect us from disappointment), and what it isn’t (the truth) you will be happy to know that there are many things you can do to combat it! Brace yourself. Some of these tactics depend on you asking for help. As a recovering perfectionist, I will tell you it can be difficult. But it is soooo worth it!

1. Safely share your feelings! 

The person you choose to share with should be smart and trustworthy. You need to be able to have full confidence that they know what’s real and what’s not, and that they’ll help you see it, too.

2. Celebrate your wins!

Remember: even baby steps can be BIG accomplishments when you stack them all together. #doingISwinning

3. Ask friends and/or family to write down compliments about you. 

You can make a book out of them, put them on slips of paper in a jar or even keep them in a notes app on your phone. Make sure you’re able to access them if you start to spiral.

4. Make an effort to change your self-talk. 

 If you trip and fall a lot, like me (what can I say? I have small feet), try saying, “Aren’t I just the most graceful?!” instead of saying you’re clumsy. I promise this small shift will make a difference!

5. Make an effort to accept that perfection is not realistic. 

That’s right, we can never be perfect. And it’s not only us; nobody can be perfect!

6. Avoid all-or-nothing statements.

​Nothing is all good or all bad in real life. Especially you and your achievements!One more thing about Imposter Syndrome…since so many of us feel it, be on the lookout for it in your friends and family. They may not be aware of it, so be gentle if you bring it up. In fact, you could start by writing compliments about them so they have them for a rainy day. You never know then you’ll be the one to help someone shake off that feeling of false incompetence. But, when it does happen, you’d better throw yourself a dance party in celebration!

-Coach Cecily

How to avoid waiting room mind games at your next audition

How do you feel when you’re in the audition waiting room? Do you feel calm and relaxed? Or do you feel stressed and nervous? Maybe you feel excited? Or perhaps you rotate through all those feelings?

If you feel great about your pre-game, waiting room mindset, STOP READING NOW. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!  

BUT….. if you feel that sometimes that pesky brain of yours can get in your way, or if you struggle with nerves, read on.  I’m going to share some tips and tricks to master that waiting room self talk.

Party with those nerves!

Brene Brown defines vulnerability as: uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure….. pretty much the definition of an audition. The more you put on the line, the more physical sensations you will have, it’s a guarantee.  So if you struggle with nerves, know there is nothing wrong, it’s just an indicator that acting and your audition matters to you.

However, physiologically nerves (aka fear) and excitement show up in the body in the same way. Those butterflies in your stomach will show up whether you are nervous or excited, the only difference is how you label  it. 

For the most part we call nerves “bad” and excitement “good.” So can you reframe  those nerves as excitement?  

I love Committed Impulse, the technique of actor and acting coach Josh Pais.  He suggests becoming a neutral observer of your body. It is all just energy, so can you look at your  physical sensations in a neutral way? Can you experience what is happening without judgement or a need to ‘fix it’?   

For example, for me, it might sound like, I feel some energy in my stomach. My breath feels high up in my chest and I feel some tingling in my hands.  

Instead of, “I think I’m gonna puke.  I can hardly breathe or feel my hands!”

Carl Jung said, What you resist persists. We only get into trouble when we try to stop those nervous feelings. Josh Pais says that if you don’t try to push away those feelings and instead stay with (or “party with” to quote Josh) those physical sensations, they will move through you or shift to something else in a mere 12-15 seconds! 

Love and Gratitude  

If I’m in the waiting room and I start falling into the trap of “compare and despair” I just start sending everyone love. I silently wish everyone (myself included) a great audition and send them love and light. It feels good and instantly relaxes me.

I also focus on Gratitude for the opportunity.  There are literally thousands of actors, who would LOVE to be in your shoes right now.  Getting into that casting office, having a chance to show your take on the character and being “in the mix” for the project is a huge WIN, so celebrate that! You can’t build on success you don’t acknowledge.

Mantra, Mantra, Mantra 

I love a good mantra!  Nature abhors a vacuum so sometimes when your mind gets busy feeding you all sorts of unhelpful information, (Her outfit is cuter than mind, Why didn’t I wear the blue dress, She is totally perfect for the part, Wow she sounds so friendly with the casting director etc)  I find it easier to quiet my mind by focusing on a mantra.  

I LOVE the brazen and freeing quality of Jack Plotnick’s Mantras.  (He has a fantastic FREE acting book and mantra list that you can download from his website.)

Some of my favorites include: 

• I release and destroy my need to get this job

• I release and destroy my need to impress them.  Fu*k them. I can hate them.

• I release and destroy my need to be an “Actor.”  Let them be the “Actors,” and have all the responsibilities that come with it.  I’m just here to be myself and have fun!

• This, or something greater, for my highest good, and the highest good of all concerned.

Breath

Don’t forget to B.R.E.A.T.H. Enough Said. Oxygen makes everything better, E.V.E.R.Y.T.I.M.E.

Be Superwoman 

Have you seen Harvard professor Amy Cuddy’s TED talk on the importance of body language?  She states that if you stand in the power pose. (Like superwoman, legs apart, hands on hips) for 2 minutes you will unequivocally change your body chemistry and hormonal levels. 

Your testosterone will increase by 20% and your cortisol (the stress hormone) will decrease by 25%.  You will quantitatively be more confident and will have increased your risk tolerance!  

Now I don’t stand with my hands on my hips, gazing at the sky, like superwoman waiting for casting to call my name… BUT I have been known to stand like superwoman in a casting bathroom stall for 2 minutes and it definitely gives me a wave of confidence in the waiting room!

Auditioning is …weird! 

I have met actors who sincerely seem to LOVE auditioning so that was my goal for years.  I used to think that the only way to book the job was to love auditioning. But now I realize I can be good at auditioning but I don’t have to love it.  For me it was an unrealistic expectation. My ideal career is audition-free and straight offers 100% of the time.  

I now acknowledge and accept that auditioning – the time commitment, inconvenience, hair and make-up prep, financial commitment if I got coaching, is just part of an actor’s job description.  I can then let all that go and focus on gratitude for the opportunity and having fun in the audition room. Fun is why we’re all actors in the first place right?

Which of these techniques are you going to try at your next audition?  Let me know in the comments below.

Happy Auditioning!

-Coach Sarah

PS. For other pro-active tips on how to book TV/film work, check out our free ONLINE master class: Book TV/Film On Your OWN: 3 Insider Strategies  

5 Ways to Continue Your Industry Relationships Using Facebook

WHOA! You just attended a film festival and saw an incredible short film. So incredible in fact, you had to waltz right up to the director and producing team and tell them all about how awesome it was. This, of course, led to an insightful conversation about the inspiration filmmaking brings. 

It was a genuine connection and all of you decided to stay in touch. Business cards were exchanged , and your goal of making a strong industry connection was achieved.  

Nice work. 

But what do you do next? How do you continue these new industry relationships? 

Social media is my primary tool to stay connected. So take a journey through this list of ways to continue your industry relationships on Facebook!

5 ways to continue your Industry Relationships on Facebook

1) Friend them! 

It may go without saying, but it’s hard to take your real world connection online if you don’t send a friend request first. 

I’ve found that the best time to go in for the friend request is at the end of your in person conversation.  I typically say something like, “Oh you’re so much fun, are you on Facebook? Would love to connect with you there!” Or I’ll hand them my business card and ask for theirs, and then friend them a few days later.

In my experience, it’s rare that someone is put-off by being asked to connect on Facebook. The only pushback you could potentially get is someone saying “oh I don’t really use Facebook, but I love Instagram.” 

In that case, just  follow them on Instagram. Easy breezy.

2) Engage with their posts 

Now that you two are connected on Facebook, use this as a tool to see what they have going on or what projects they’re  involved with. 

I usually pop onto Facebook 2 -3 times a day (you could do more or less, gauge what works best for you) to see what people are posting and to “like,” “share” and comment on posts to support my friends. 

It always means so much to me when someone engages with something I’m excited about or working on, so I use this same principal when I see others’ posts.

If I see a director friend has just gotten their film into a festival, I’ll like the post and I almost always comment “congrats!” 

If I see an actor friend post about auditions or callbacks, I like their posts to be a part of the celebration of their win. If a producer friend of mine posts a crowd-funding site for their new film, I’ll definitely share the project (regardless of whether I decide to donate or not) so that more eyeballs can get on their post. 

I engage with industry contacts to show that I support their endeavors and that I recognize that this journey can be sometimes difficult and isolating.

3) Attend their screenings and events 

So many filmmakers (myself included) invite people to screenings, film festivals and premieres using Facebook invites. It’s a great way to stay up to date on your friends projects, and it’s an awesome opportunity to reconnect with someone IN PERSON (vs just online). Even if I can’t attend, I’ll often share the event. I love supporting other artists and their projects, and usually these screenings and events are in and of themselves great networking opportunities! So you not only get to support a fellow filmmaker, you get to meet some new ones 😀

4) Share your Wins and yourself on Facebook! 

Always post about your films, your wins, your auditions, your headshots, your updated reels, your festival wins etc! In the same way you want to support their posts, filmmakers also want to support you. 

And if you never share it, then how would they even know that you just updated your reel for example? I’ve had so many industry relationships develop further because I shared a premiere or a new headshot. Facebook and social media in general is a great way to stay top of mind with industry colleagues. 

And it’s pretty cool when someone I met at a film festival comments on an award I’ve won… It reminds me that we are all in this together, and that supporting one another is a great way of fostering a filmmaker community!

Speaking of posting your own wins… be sure to post about your everyday life as well. . . It’s important that all of your industry Facebook friends see you as an actor, but also as a human being. 

5) Grab coffee with them every 4 – 6 months 

Don’t forget to keep the offline connection strong as well. Since you’ve been engaging with them and their posts, you two have probably have a bit of a rapport now… I love to meet up with people if I haven’t seen them at an event or screening in awhile because I want to remind them that I am a living breathing person, and I also want to deepen the relationship. Things always get brought up in the conversation that hasn’t been brought up on Facebook, so I love using these coffee meetings as a way to further our working relationship or to strengthen a film friendship. Often scripts and projects get brought up, and of course conversations about casting, producing and writing occur. Partnerships for future projects might even occur!

But Rachel, what if they don’t use social media?!  Is all lost?!

No! Never fear! You can apply these same principles to people who don’t use social media. What I do in these cases is email them every few months to check in and see what they’re up to, and see if there’s a way I can share something (a crowd-funding page or a screening date) and I’ll update them on something new/cool/fun that I’ve got going on in my life. After several months, I’ll usually suggest a coffee meet up, just like I do with social media relationships.

HAPPY FRIENDING!

-Coach RachelPS. For other pro-active tips on how to book TV/film work, check out our free upcoming master class: Book TV/Film On Your OWN: 3 Insider Strategies.  

Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got to Set

You booked your first union theatrical job! Congrats! All those classes, marketing, and auditioning finally paid off. But hold up- here’s some helpful info so you know what to expect before your big shoot day (or days!).

The Table Read

Some shows will make you do one. People from the studio and network will likely be there. Show up to do your best work, be cordial to everyone you meet, and exude the positive energy that comes with being in a room with other creatives to make stuff. You’ve got the offer, but it’s not in the bag yet. Although it’s highly unusual, actors can be fired from table reads, so make sure you bring your A-Game and are super prepared.

Fittings 

These are appointments with the wardrobe team to figure out what you’ll be wearing. Your picture will be taken in a few different wardrobe options and sent to the director for the final decision. There will usually be a scheduled paid fitting a day or 2 before your shoot date, or possibly an hour or 2. Look out for the wardrobe stylists to contact you and keep your reps in the loop. You get an extra few bucks if you end up wearing your own wardrobe pieces, or if the fitting time runs over an hour.

Paperwork

You can plan on a few different forms or contracts to sign.  Let me walk you through them… 

I-9: Make sure to bring a copy of your passport OR drivers license AND social security card. If you don’t have those, google the full list of acceptable forms needed to fill out your I-9 on set. 

W4: For union work, actors are considered employees and fill out a W4 for tax withholding. For non-union work, actors are contractors and fill out a W9.

Contract: This document will state how much you’ll be paid and all the other legal stuff such as terms of usage.  It will also ask you for the address to mail your payment. Before you fill this out, discuss with your reps whether

1.     They’d like you to send them a copy of the contract (usually cell phone photos are fine), and

2.     Where they’d like the check mailed. Some reps want checks mailed from the production office straight to their office, where they’ll take their cut and mail you a separate check. Some reps don’t mind if the checks go to you first and you pay them their commission after.

What to expect on set based on the type of project you are working on…

Single Cams

Prepare for downtime between camera and lighting setups, where you can hang out by the food. One of the biggest perks of union jobs (IMO) is the catering.

Network, but be mindful

Don’t be afraid to approach the writers and producers- thank them and express that you’re excited to work with them!

Everyone is at the mercy of the network- it’s good just to be working on a show! I’ve found most people share a grateful attitude. But of course, be cognizant of everyone’s time! If a director is starting to cut shots to make her day, it’s probably not a good time to initiate small talk with her. But you’ll likely run into other actors or producers to chat with hanging out by craft services when the crew is setting up cameras and lighting for the next shot.

Once the shot is set up, there will likely be a few quick rehearsals to make sure all the actors know their marks and so the DP can nail down the camera movement while keeping you in focus.

If the director decides to go for another take, don’t assume it’s because you did something wrong. Often, it’s due to a sound issue or perhaps the camera didn’t track quickly enough or the actor landed 6 inches off their mark and the camera couldn’t refocus (in that case, it is your fault. Hit your mark).

The same scene will likely be shot from a few different angles, with multiple takes from each one.

Daytime TV

If you booked a daytime show, ignore everything I just said. There will likely not be multiple camera setups or much downtime between shots. Most scenes are done in 1-2 takes so don’t mess up your lines because you likely won’t get a second try.

Multi-Cams 

There is generally a much more lax schedule with multi-cams. Instead of a few minutes to rehearse like in the single-cam world, multi-camera comedies give you a few whole days to rehearse! Expect shorter days and lots of downtime, while running through lines and blocking on the actual stage where you’ll be performing.

Multi-cams are performed in front of a live studio audience, with a professional hype-person to keep the audience energy up between shots.  They’re the shows on TV with the laugh tracks.

When the live taping day arrives, some actors like to run lines quickly, just for words, before going out in front of the audience. For people with no theater background (like myself), this is called a speed-through. Just in case you hear anyone ask you to “do a speed-through.”

Prep Work

Acting is incredibly technical. And nowhere is this more evident than on a big budget production. It’s always good to get as much practice being on set as possible before your big break as a principle on a TV show!

Submit and audition for student films, director’s reels, spec commercials. Lower budget productions generally have less equipment, a smaller crew, and more budget-friendly snacks, but there’s also way less pressure. If you screw up royally, it’s hundreds of dollars on the line, not millions.

For multi-cams, you can’t be afraid of performing in front of lots of people live on stage! If this scares you (it terrifies me), get yourself up on stage wherever you can and practice. 

Whether it’s performing in front of your acting class or signing up for a stand-up set, conquering those nerves will only help you at every step of your career!

As a general rule, try to be off-book before you get to set. BUT, that said, script changes can and do happen. Don’t be surprised if you’re handed line revisions while you’re sitting in hair and makeup or even in between takes, so be prepared to roll with the punches!

Some things can only be learned on set. But you’re now more well-prepared and well-informed to make a great impression and do your very best work once you’re there!-Coach MelodyPS. For more opportunities to book TV/film work and be on set more often, check out our free upcoming master class: Book TV/Film On Your OWN: 3 Insider Strategies.